Transcript:
Hello, America! I'm Veronica and this is The Elephant in the Room, the most somber political blog ever to exist.
Another week, another cause for outrage! Obama has essentially outed himself as a DIY-er! And a communist!
First the executive order giving "amnesty" to those immigrants, and now he announces he wants to end the embargo on Cuba?
It was only put into effect 54 years ago! How could it possibly be outdated? Our Constitution has been around since 1787 and it's stayed exactly--
Oh, I apologize, folks. My producer just informed me that the Constitution has, in fact, been updated with these things called amendments! Who knew? Maybe that's not the best comparison...
But anyway, why go soft on the Commis now?! I mean...it's somewhat truthful that the trade restrictions played a part in keeping Cuba from being capitalist country, but that's not the important thing here. The important thing here is punishing the commi leaders for their terrible ideas. I mean, the leaders are still in power... and the people are poor...and the leaders don't seem to be suffering externally, but I swear, they're dying on the inside! More importantly, we need to prove our constant anti-communist vigilance!
We're America, folks! We don't associate with any type of *shudders* non-capitalist countries.
I apologize again, I've just been informed that we've been associating with Communist China for over 35 years now. and Vietnam for 2 decades.
I need a moment, folks. I'm just devastated because I don't know what we're proving; clearly, we've already let ourselves go! If our McCarthy days were our glory days, we're now the equivalent of that former football star at your high school reunion with a comb-over and a beer belly that still insists he could return the ball 90 yards for a touchdown!
Don't worry, nation! In spite of the fact that even Rand Paul condemned the embargo, there is still some good in the world; our good ol' pal Marco Rubio still shares our outrage. (Pfft, he counts more anyway, cause he's Cuban.)
Sources:
Politico
Charting a New Course on Cuba
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