The Iran Letter: Original, not Obstructive

TRANSCRIPT:
Hey there, Nation! This is the Elephant in the Room, the most unflinchingly somber political blog on the third rock from the sun.

In case you haven't heard, 47 uber patriotic, loyal, nationalistic GOP Senators pulled most downright courageous passive-aggressive foreign policy move ever to happen in the U.S.!

That's right folks, 47 defenders of the constitution stabbed the tyrannical Barack Obama (aka modern Caesar) in the back by sending a letter to Iran while said tyrant was in the midst of nuclear negotiations with them!

Some of these liberal pundits have been saying that these heroes are hypocritical because they violate the President’s constitutional powers in addition to “overstepping” their own. I mean, they may be slightly quick to point out potential oversteps of the President’s constitutional power, but that’s just because they simply can’t bear any desecrations of the sacred document! Really, we should be thanking them for giving us a whole new way of viewing the powers outlined for congress and the President in the Constitution!

Yes, the President has the right to negotiate with other countries, but Congress has the power to ratify treaties! While there was no treaty involved yet, do not be fooled, Nation! The Republican Senators were simply making a preemptive strike against the treaty happening without their approval! If preemptive strikes aren’t a proven, tried and true foreign policy action, I don’t know what is!

Another complaint from the left has been that the Senators insulted our And they didn’t dumb down our system! Why would they do such a thing to a group of leaders with primarily Western education? No, they were just being direct! So what? Did the Senators sent an unprecedented letter that “undermined the President’s authority and our ability to negotiate?” Maybe they were just being innovative!

Some of these liberals even had the nerve to say that the letter made the U.S. seem un-unified and weak. That can't possibly be true! Obviously we're establishing ourselves as legion, like a demon in a hokey horror movie! Demons are terrifying with multiple voices! The same logic can be applied here by even the simplest of minds! It's ridiculous to even think we wouldn't want to seem terrifying, especially when according to Tom Cotton, we should bomb Iran!

It’s honestly surprising that so many people are expressing contempt for the actions of these patriots! It’s almost like they believe the Congress shouldn’t interfere with the Executive branch’s job or something equally ridiculous.


Sources:
Chide & Prejudice: Maybe the GOP should have taken an approach w/ less Charles Darcy-esque rudeness? just a thought.
GOP Surprised that Letter Undermining Negotiation Was Not Appreciated

Throw a Snowball at Your "Problem" (or Jim Inhofe Says Global Warming Isn't Snowballing! Take That, Science!)

TRANSCRIPT:
Hey there, Nation! Welcome to the Elephant in the Room, the supreme ruler of all serious blogs on the Interwebs.

 We have groundbreaking news, here, folks! Thanks to Rep. Jim Inhofe, who completely revolutionized debate by disproving climate change by throwing a snowball at Obama, you can now disprove any given statement by throwing somewhat-pertinent objects at your opposition!

 Inhofe made a sturdy case against climate change... notwithstanding that the problem of climate change is snowballing-- 2014 was named the warmest year on record, never mind that the weather was exceptionally warm in california this winter, because facts only count if they’re wherever Representative Inhofe is.

 In the spirit of Inhofe’s highly innovative new method of debate, I’ve gathered a list of things you can do to disprove all the liberal mumbo-jumbo:

•  Public schools kids, this one’s for you! Throw your report card at advocates for increased funding for public education! The fact that public schools exist negates the fact that they're underfunded!
• Republicans: want to further discredit global warming? Simply throw these questions at Obama: “Global warming? Then why is Antarctica cold, Obama??? Can you account for my freezer?” Show those eggheads that because weather still exists, climate change is non-existent!
• Hey, women! You can get it on this by throwing money at Obama to disprove the gender gap! The fact that women, on occasion, have more money negates the fact that they're paid less!
• Want to disprove discrimination against the LGBTQ community? You can throw Ellen Degeneres OR Ellen Page at the liberal whiners because the fact that Lesbians are allowed to exist clearly negates the fact that they experience discrimination in daily life.

Recap: Basically, the earth is flat because the ground I’m on is pretty flat right now. Also, world hunger is  solved because I ate today.

Ignoring universally agreed upon scientific information is just the Republican way! Because the polarization of the Republican party is a larger trend caused largely because of the Tea Party’s next-level conservatism, it is likely that that, too, does not apply to Jim Inhofe.

Sources:
Global Warming: "Not a Thing," says Jim Inhofe, aka a non-scientist
Contrary to popular belief, global warming is NOT snowballing

Steve Scalise: "He's really not racist, we swear!," says GOP

TRANSCRIPT:

Hello, Nation! I'm Veronica and this is The Elephant in the Room, indubitably the most unsmiling political blog this side of the International Date Line.

In yet another case of liberal tyranny, the liberal media is complaining ceaselessly about Steve Scalise's ascension to House Majority Whip because he gave a speech in front of European-American Unity and Rights Organization (EURO) which was formed by David Duke (who just happens to be a former Ku Klux Klan leader).

It's absolutely ridiculous, folks, that the liberal media is waging this war against free speech! Why shouldn't a state legislator speak to hate group? It's not even like he actually hates anyone; as the GOP has been quick to point out, it's all good because he has a black friend in congress! Rep. Mia Love (R-Utah), the first black Republican woman ever to be elected to congress said "...he has been absolutely wonderful to work with."

Additionally, he said he didn't know EURO's white supremacist platform when he spoke for them. Don't those liberals know? When you speak in front of an organization, you don't know their platform! That's absolutely ridiculous! Public speaking is obviously not something for which you need to know your audience!

Who actually prepares for speeches? It's totally plausible that Scalise really had no idea what EURO stood for. I mean, David Duke said Scalise was "'a fine family man' with whom he often agrees." If a former Ku Klux Klan leader says he's a good guy, he must be! Who judges character by anything apart from statements by former Klan leaders? (I mean, liberals, apparently, but who else? Really?)

This whole thing is ridiculous, folks! Even if Scalise knew what he was doing, why should we expect our legislators to not be racist? Does the liberal media not know, like, the entirety of U.S. history? This country is unflinchingly racist! This isn't surprising in the least!

Sources:
It's cool! Steve Scalise has one black friend!
John Boehner says "Take a chill pill, bruh"